


Jealous Bird

by wellthatjusthappend



Series: Iron and Wine [5]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Choking, Dom/sub Undertones, Grieving, M/M, Rimming, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unrequited Love, but this is Iron and Wine from Dick's POV what do you expect?, not really BruDick except from Dick's side just a heads up, so this is a choose your story fic, they're both full of suffering so there's no help for you there, you can either have the one where Dick leaves or the one where he stays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-18
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-11-02 01:15:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10933947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wellthatjusthappend/pseuds/wellthatjusthappend
Summary: Dick wasn't supposed to want them. Even worse, he knew that they both were aware that he wanted them. Knew that his continued proximity and desire was hurting Bruce and Jason's relationship. And he also knew that he wouldn't be able to stop himself from doing something regrettable much longer, so only one question remained: was he going to leave or stay?These two chapters are two DIFFERENT scenarios not a continual story.





	1. The One Where He Leaves

**Author's Note:**

> Because a story from Dick’s POV has been a long time coming. And because even though when I listen to Iron and Wine I still mostly think of Bruce and Jason, there’s a few songs which I definitely think of Dick.
> 
> So what happening is each of these chapters are different scenarios: one where Dick leaves and one where he stays…. and you may choose your poison. I will say that I'm going with the one where Dick leaves for the actual story because I think it'd be more in character for him. But for those of you who were wondering how badly it'd all fall apart if he stayed then there's that there too.

Dick left the Manor in the night. He wasn’t a fool, he knew that he’d long outstayed his welcome there. The fact that that was even possible felt like a festering open wound in his chest. It hurt to know that it was his own fault too. He was not dealing with Bruce and Jason being together very well. And despite having spent a large portion of his life lying, he was still rather bad at it... especially for anyone who actually knew him. 

It felt like everyone knew.

God, it felt like everyone  _ knew _ he wanted Bruce and Jason. It was humiliating. Like those nightmares where you were naked in public. Dick felt like he’d been emotionally stripped down and they could all see- they could  _ see  _ how dirty and wrong he was. 

He shouldn’t want Bruce and he  _ certainly _ shouldn’t want Jason. (Or was that the other way a around? Which one was even worse?)

He felt like there had been this needy little thing in his chest that he’d kept under lock and key and then he’d seen Bruce and Jason together and then- WHAM! Now it felt like his soul was screaming continuously. Every touch, every look when they were together… the edge of softness in their expressions when they were thinking of the other. Everything made the screaming louder.

In grief. In pain. In petty jealousy.

Dick didn’t know why he’d watched, really. There was no need to rip the wound wider. But he couldn’t seem to help- no, that was an assholes excuse. He could’ve left. He could have looked away and done the right thing. But every time he felt himself rooted to the spot with the wildly beating heart of an addict. 

Which was why he was removing himself from the situation. From the temptation that he’d proven again and again that he wouldn’t resist. At least this way he could begin to do the right thing. 

Dick wanted so much to be happy for them.

It was his nature. He wanted to love Love. Not being able to do so felt like devorcing some important part of himself. He felt like he couldn’t even sit and criticize the pair- despite having some obvious unhealthy dynamics- because it felt dishonest. He didn’t trust himself. Was he seeing real problems or was he blowing things up and justifying them to himself because he was jealous? So jealous that he’d find a 100 reasons why Bruce and Jason shouldn’t be together, because if he couldn’t have them then they shouldn’t get to be happy either?

Dick was better than that. 

Which is why he was he was guiltily crawling through the window of an old acquaintance. 

“I’ll get the Vodka.” sighed Midnighter the moment he saw him. 

“I didn’t come here to drink.” grumbled Dick.

“Oh, I know that. But you look like you need to.” Midnighter said pulling bottles out of the fridge. 

“I don’t like Vodka.” Dick tried instead.

“Right, because you’ve got the tastebuds of a 5 year old. I haven’t forgotten.” Midnighter said dryly, “Don’t worry, I’ll mix it in with something unbearably sweet and fruity for you.”

“M, really, I’m not here to-” Dick began to sigh as Midnighter returned with a cup. Then his breath was stuttering as Midnighter was taking his chin in a strong grip and giving him a hard kiss. Dick melted into the touch, breathed in the scent of leather and sweat and the night air, felt the callouses on his fingers (so close, but  _ wrong _ ) and felt- felt-

The sound Dick let out when Midnighter pulled away was far to needy for this early in the night.

“I  _ know _ why you came here.” Midnighter repeated, now pressing the rim of the cup to Dick’s lips, “but I also know you’re going to be too tense and in your head for anything like what you want without a few of these.”

Dick wondered if he should examine how obediently he let his chin be tilted back and the drink poured into his mouth.

It was sweet, just like M had promised. Sweet, but still harsh. 

“Jesus, your head’s fucked tonight.” murmured Midnighter taking the cup away and stroking Dick’s cheek. Watching him nuzzle at his hand.

Midnighter made a small rumbling sound before pulling Dick to his feet and giving him a hungry kiss that Dick returned tenfold.

“Can’t fucking deal with you when you get needy like this.” muttered Midnighter.

“I know,” apologized Dick, chasing after his mouth, “I know, I just-  _ please.” _

“Strip while I get you another drink.” Midnighter said with a long stuttering breath. 

Dick had trouble not following when Midnighter pulled away. Had to swallow and breathe, before starting to peel off his clothes at speed. It was weird doing this out in the open rather than somewhere enclosed like a bedroom. It was a little thrilling. He mind flashed to Jason sinking to his knees in an open hallway to swallow Bruce down, bent over the equipment for Bruce in the Cave, bare and beautiful in the afternoon sunlight in the library as Bruce made gentle love to him-

“Easy…” Midnighter was back by his side rubbing gentle circles into back. Dick realized that his eyes were squeezed shut and he was gasping out short, dry, ragged breaths that were far too close to becoming real sobs. 

Dick tried to take a steadying breath as he finished kicking off his briefs. Midnighter grabbed his hip and stopped him before he could turn and press against him.

“You sure it’s a fucking you need?” he asked seriously.

“I-” Dick didn’t want to think about that, about what it meant that someone like M was thinking he was making bad choices, he didn’t want to think about- he didn’t want to think. Dick grabbed the newly filled cup Midnighter had brought and drained it. M’s frown lines were deepening by the second but at least now everything had a fuzzy edge to it, “C’mon, you gonna try an’- try and act like my dad or you gonna fuck me?”

“Heh,” Midnighter relented taking the cup away from him and setting it on the coffee table, “You act like that wouldn’t get you even hotter. You forget that I  _ know _ you Grayson.”

“Shut  _ up _ .” Dick growled.

“You want me to put on the cowl tonight?” grinned Midnighter biting his earlobe, “I ain’t going to pretend to be anyone else, but hmm don’t mind if you do-”

“M, no, I can’t-” Dick squeezed his eyes shut.

“Ah, I see.” Midnighter nodded to himself, then tugged Dick around the couch.

“What’re you-” Dick slurred a bit as Midnighter tipped him over haphazardly onto the cushions.

“I’m not clueless Grayson, I know why you get wild when I bend you over in a cowl.” Midnighter rolled him over onto his stomach even as Dick started to tense up, “It doesn’t take a genius with a computer brain to figure out you’re messed up over  _ him _ tonight.”

Dick looked away. At least Midnighter didn’t know about Jason. 

“So what’dya say Grayson? Want me to take you out of your head?” Midnighter stroked his back with practiced hands.

“Yes…” shivered Dick already sinking gratefully into that headspace. 

“Want me to hold you down and make you give it up?” he asked petting Dick’s hair.

“Yes…” Dick groaned trying to push into the touch. 

“Want me to fill you up till all you can’t feel and think is me?” Midnighter’s touch turned to a grip in his hair with a sharp hot flare of pain.

“Please!” Dick begged shamelessly. He didn’t care. This wasn’t the first time Midnighter had done this for him and he was long past caring about his pride at this point.

He could give him what he needed- or something close to it anyway- and that’s all that mattered.

“I’ve got you.” was all Midnighter said letting go of his hair to smooth a hand down his spine before climbing behind him and urging his hips into the air. 

Dick obidietly raised himself up on his knees, but when when he started to lift himself onto his forearms as well Midnighter shoved him back down with a firm hand between his shoulderblades. 

“Stay down.” Midnighter told him. 

Dick nodded, very conscious of the texture of the couch against his chest and the cool air against his ass. He must not have closed the window when he’d crawled inside. The fact that he was naked in a wide open space suddenly felt very important. Midnighter was making a display of him and Dick loved it with a greedy part of himself that he’d rather not examine. 

“We both know you could get out of any restraints I put you in, so I want you to hold yourself like this.” Midnighter instructed pulling Dick’s arms behind his back to grip himself, “You let me know if you need to change anything, ok?”

Dick nodded into the cushions, the fabric crowding the air he breathed making breath feel too stuffy and yet not short enough. He wanted Midnighter to gag him but he didn’t want to ask for it.

“Oh Grayson, you been using youself already tonight?” Midnighter asked huskily as he pushed right in with three slick fingers to Dick’s stretched hole.

“Didn’t want to wait.” Dick said turning his head to the side so his voice wouldn’t be completely muffled by the cushions. 

“And if I want you to wait?” asked Midnighter, fingers pumping in and out of him lazily.

“M- hn!” Dick started to complain, then choked as Midnighter twisted his fingers as he withdrew, and then pushed back in even slower making sure Dick was acutely aware of every scar and callous on his fingers.

“Be good…” and Dick swore he could hear the smirk in his voice. Didn’t matter though. All that mattered was the desperate  _ need _ to do whatever Midnighter told him. Twist himself, make himself whatever the other man wanted. It was vulnerable state of mind, but one that Midnighter had proven he wouldn’t take advantage of. Wouldn’t ask Dick to give anything that he’d hate himself for when they were done.

Midnighter’s fingers probed gently inside him till he found the spot that made Dick tremble and his breath catch. Then pressed down on it hard. Dick’s vision whited out for a moment and he yelled and thrashed, but sure if he was trying to get away from the touch or get more of it. His nails dug into the skin of his arms  as his fingers slipped in their hold behind his back. But he  _ had _ to be good and Midnighter had told him to stay like that and oh no he wasn’t kneeling properly for him any more-!

“Easy…” Midnighter said letting off the pressure and stroking his skin and Dick tried to be good and do as he was told but he couldn’t- and his breathing was getting a little haywire so he tried to hold it so Midnighter wouldn’t know. Squeezed his eyes shut and tried to stop shaking enough to get back into position-

“No.” said Midnighter sharply, and there was a hand closing around his throat and squeezing making Dick choke, “Don’t do that. If I want you to stop breathing I’ll do this.”

He squeezed just enough that Dick couldn’t draw air, and Dick felt himself go automatically limp all over. It was ok though, M had him. He’d messed up, but M wasn’t leaving him. Wasn’t sending him away. Dick could still show him how good he could be.

“You okay there?” asked M letting his grip off and stroking Dick’s throat gently.

“I’m fine.” Dick breathed resting his forehead back against the cushions and offering himself again properly.

“Yeah?” asked Midnighter pressing against his slick hole with his thumb but not penetrating him much to Dick’s frustration.

“Yeah.” insisted Dick spreading his knees apart as much as the couch would allow.

“And what about down here? Do you deserve to be touched here?” Midnighter teased skimming his fingers down over Dock’s dripping cock. He was pretty sure it was meant to be a rhetorical question, but-  _ but _ -

“ _ No…” _ Dick moaned breath hitching, he felt Midnight go very still behind him, probably waiting to see if he was wanting to stop or- “Please, M, I’ve felt so dirty-” selfish, greedy,  _ hungry,  _ “Please don’t- just  _ use _ me to make you feel good, that’s all I want-”

“God, Grayson- Dick, you’re going to make me need to hug you-”

“Please!” Dick begged, trying to arch his back and present himself better.

Then Dick was being lifted up to press against Midnighter’s chest, arms wound tight around him. Dick started to protest, but then Midnighter was lowering him onto his cock and all Dick could do was sigh and let his head fall back on Midnighter’s shoulder and he was stretched and filled so perfectly.

“One of these days, I may need to have some words with that Bat of yours about the way he twists you up.” Midnighter rumbled holding him close once he was fully seated and kissing his neck softly, the scratch of stubble feeling good on Dick’s sensitive skin.

“Don’t-” Dick started to tense up.

“Don’t worry,” Midnighter said giving Dick’s shoulder a firm bite making him go limp all over letting off with a quick lick, “I won’t talk about him anymore tonight.”

Dick tried to put together something to say back but his thoughts kept escaping him. Every breath made him acutely aware of how deeply he was penetrated. Midnighter’s hand on his stomach felt good and just possessive enough to make Dick truly relax. His arms were no longer behind his back but that was ok because Midnighter had been the one to move them. 

“You ok?” asked Midnighter continuing to press gentle kisses into his skin even as he began to gently thrust. 

Dick huffed out a breath and rolled his hips trying to speed things up, M wouldn’t let him move properly though.

“Let me take it slow with you tonight. I was joking before, c’mon Grayson, let me give you some of what you deserve. Nice and slow and sweet.” Midnighter said pulling Dick back down slow enough that Dick felt every inch of his cock pushing back into him.

“M!” Dick groaned spreading his legs wider. Wanting more. Needing-  _ needing- _

“You said you wanted me to use you however I wanted?” Midnighter tilted his head so he could kiss him again, just as slow as the fuck he was giving him, “Well what I want, what I need, is to see you feeling real good.”

“Hah… I- nh.” Dick moaned. He didn’t even know what he was trying to say.

“Perfect.” Midnighter breathed and Dick sobbed and shuddered, “Can you touch yourself for me?”

Dick let himself be kissed again and closed his eyes, hands shaking a bit as he wrapped on around his cock and began to stroke it rough and carellessly quick.

“No, not like that, you know how I want you to do it.” Midnighter said biting his mouth. Dick forced himself to slow his hand and match the easy pace Midnighter was still pushing in and out of him. The wet sound of his body was making and the loudness his breathes seemed to fill the room. 

“Mnh… ha… plss-hh-!” Dick trembled, baring down on the cock inside him when he couldn’t help it anymore.

“That’s it…” Midnighter encouraged him kissing Dick’s temple. His voice was so rough and deep, so approving, his hands were so big on him-  _ he _ was so big around him,  _ in him _ .

“B-bru-nh! Please, I-!” Dick choked out, tried to shut himself up, tried to deny- Midnighter wasn’t having any of that, his grip turning the slightest bit agressive, raw-

“Jay, jay,  _ jay…”  _ Dick sobbed as he came.

“That’s it…” Midnighter held him through it, “Let it out. Let them go.”

Dick shook his head, not so much to he was saying as to-

“There you go Grayson…” Midnighter praised him, pulling him off his dick and laying him down, “breathe…”

Dick could hear the fast slick sounds of Midnighter finishing himself off but he was too floaty still for it to really register.

“M…” he reached for him blindly, needed the contact. Needed to know Midnighter still thought he was good enough to stay with. To want. To-

“Right here,” Midnighter rumbled covering him, “I’ve got you.”

Dick sighed in relief, let himself float in subspace just a little longer.

“You’re going to be alright,” Midnighter told him stroking his hair, “You’re strong enough to make it through this. You’re going to be alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I found you?  
> Flightless bird, jealous, weeping  
> Or lost you?
> 
> -”Flightless Bird, American Mouth” Iron and Wine


	2. The One Where He Stays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This can only end in tears.

“He’s not going to fuck you.” Jason glared at him leaning against door.

“Hello Jason, I see you haven’t learned how to knock.” Dick said tightly keeping his back turned to him. Not his brightest idea, but he didn’t want the other to know how hard he was. 

He probably knew anyway.

“As if I need manners with you.” Jason said glaring at him accusingly. 

“Whatever that means.” Dick tried to act casual as he refolded his clothes. Alfred had already done it but- he needed something to do with his hands.

“You know what it means.” snapped Jason impatiently.

Dick bit his lip. He did know. 

“Go away Jason.” Dick said instead.

“I see you sometimes you know,” Jason continued on mercilessly, “Watching us when he fucks me.”

Dick knew he did. They’d made eye contact on a number of occasions. Sometimes Jason glared at him challengingly. Sometimes his eyes were already so fogged over with pleasure that not even Dick’s presence could pull him out of it.

Dick jacked off to that image more times than he cared to admit. 

“What do you want?” sighed Dick turning to him at last. Jason was standing a lot closer to him than he’d realized. Dick had to tilt his head up a bit to look into his eyes. Gone were the days where his Little Wing was actually, well, little. Jason was big, he was powerful, he was dangerous, he was- he was part of that tangled mess Dick called home.

Dick didn’t let his eyes wander.

Jason did though.

“And what were you planning to do about this?” Jason gestured at his pants with a leer.

“Nothing.” said Dick flushing.

“Really.”

“Really, actually.” Dick insisted. 

“Liar.” Jason said and walked off.

* * *

Dick freezes when Jason walks into the shower and starts casually stripping. He clears his throat because he’s sure Jason much have just not realized he was in there. When Jason barely spares him a glance Dick tries to calm himself down because this can’t-

“Oh, get a grip. It’s not like you haven’t watched Bruce fuck me dozens of times.” Jason gives him a scathing look.

“Where’s Bruce?” asked Dick wishing his voice wasn’t hoarse. 

“Stayed out a little longer. But I needed to clean up so I came back.” Jason said boredly turning on another shower and testing the water with his hand. Dick couldn’t help but stare at the white dripping down Jason’s thighs.

“Oh.” and Dick was pretty sure the crack in his voice was just as obvious as he feared it was judging by the look Jason gave him.

“Feel free to enjoy the show.” drawled Jason with a snort.

“Oh no, I couldn’t, I’m really almost done-” Dick started flushing. 

“What, it’s only fun if it’s without permission?” Jason scoffed stepping into the water.

“No! Of course not, I just thought-” Dick bit his lip. Watched Jason scrub himself down efficiently. Tried to keep from getting hard, but-

“Ngh.” Jason grunted slightly bracing himself with one hand against the tile and the other reaching between his legs.

“You ok?” Dick asked hesitantly.

“Sore.” was all Jason said. And Dick couldn’t help squeezing his own thighs together at that and clenching down on nothing. How it would feel- but, more importantly:

“Was he hurting you?” Dick asked stepping a little closer protectively.

“Dick, you’ve seen us,” Jason rolled his eyes, “You know he’s not.”

“I have seen you, and I know sometimes he does.” Dick reminded him.

“Yeah, yeah…” Jason dismissed him, then hissed again, “fuck…”

“Jason…”

“Oh shut up, it’s just hard to do well on my own. Usually I make Bruce do it for me.” Jason dismissed. There were heady images for that, but also concern. Enough so that-

“I could-” Dick began and then realized what he was saying as Jason turned to stare at him, “I mean, I could go get you something from the med bay.”

“That’s not what you were going to say.” Jason said a weird expression on his face.

“Seriously Jason, I can go-” Dick started to say his face flushing.

“Hah.” Jason turned and leaned up against the wall, sizing him up, very pointedly looking at Dick’s half hard cock, “You’d probably like cleaning Bruce’s cum out of me.”

Dick honestly didn’t know what to say to that.

“You’d probably  _ lick _ it out if I let you.” Jason said and they both watched Dick’s cock twitch obviously for that. Dick in humiliation, Jason simply nodding to himself. 

“Alright then.” he said.

“What?” Dick blinked not understanding.

“Don’t pretend like I’m not the closest you’ll ever get to fucking Bruce.” Jason said casting him a challenging look, “Now hurry up.”

“But that’s- you’re-” Dick tried.

“I’m what, exactly?” said Jason crossing over till her was under the spray of water with Dick. So close Dick could see the flecks of green in his blue eyes. Dick felt drunk with his proximity. He was right there, one of the people Dick had been wanting and loving from afar, suddenly inexplicably accessible to him. Even if it was wrong. Even if it was the worst idea and Bruce would definitely not approve but Jason always made Dick want to bend the rules of what was ok-

“Ha, that’s what I thought-” Jason started to laugh and turn away, which should have been the end of it, but-

But.

Dick grabbed him and kissed him with all the hunger he had inside. Pushed a startled Jason up against the shower wall and just kissed and kissed and- Jason’s eyes were wide and his hand came up to rest on Dick’s arm, but made no move to push him away.

“Jesus, Dickie,” gasped Jason when they broke apart looking a little lost and defensive, “I didn’t think you’d actually- holy!”

“Is this ok?” asked Dick breathily as he stroked Jason’s cock.

“No, but don’t you dare stop.” Jason gave fucked up laugh, and then a shudder as he clutched Dick’s shoulders.

“I’ve wanted you so much…” admitted Dick softly between more kisses, feeling high on adrenaline and desire and everything else charged between them.

“Yeah right, you’ve wanted  _ Bruce _ .” snorted Jason, then groaned and pulled away to bury his face in the crook of Dick’s neck and just breathing as Dick jerked him off.

“No,” Dick tried to explain, “I mean yes, but also…”

Dick shook his head and instead dropped to his knees.

“Whoa-!” Jason swayed a bit unsteadily, then choked, his hand flying to Dick’s hair as he took his cock into his mouth. 

Dick slid forward till his lips were pressed against his fist, staring up at Jason from under his lashes. Jason looked startled, confused, afraid, and then angry. Dick teased his slit with his tongue and then all Jason looked was hazy with pleasure.

“Fuck, you shouldn’t be allowed to look this fucking hot when everything’s so…” Jason panted stroking his hair. Dick moaned around his cock, wanted lean into and beg for every touch Jason would give him. 

“But you don’t really want me.” Jason continued, a dark look crossing his face.

Dick made a noise of protest but Jason just shook his head looking pained and lost but certain.

“You don’t want me. It’s okay if you’re just using me to feel close to Bruce, but don’t fucking lie about it.” Jason said. His voice was gruff, but the expression in his eyes was pleading. Hurt. 

Dick closed his own eyes. It was not okay, not really, even if Jason was saying yes. But- no, Dick just had to show Jason. He had to make him feel what he wouldn’t believe in Dick’s words.

Dick redoubled his efforts going down on Jason till the other was gasping out ragged breaths and pumping short stuttering thrusts into his throat. He was lasting a lot longer than Dick would have, but then, Dick remembered as his fingers skimmed through the cum still trickling down Jason’s inner thighs, there were reasons for that.

“Let me eat you out.” begged Dick coming off of his cock.

“Fuck, you can’t look at me like that while you’re kneeling there asking- asking-” Jason covered his face with the hand not in Dick’s hair and breathed unevenly, “But you want to- Bruce’s- right, okay go for it- huh!” 

The words were barely out of his mouth before Dick was spinning him around and spreading his cheeks. He couldn’t breathe for a moment, just stared transfixed at the puffy little hole, sore and stretched from already being fucked that night, and the tiny white bead of come dripping out. There was water still falling on Jason’s back, at the wrong angle to wash away the evidence just yet, but-

Dick’s sucked in a slow breath taking in both Jason’s and Bruce’s scents.

Jason gave a startled laugh at the first tentative swipe his tongue. It was a slightly hysterical sound, messed up beyond belief, but Dick was already licking him again and again. Because if he stopped now- no, he didn’t think he  _ could _ stop now.

“Fuck…” Jason cursed, letting go of himself to scrape uselessly at the tiles, and that…

Dick lapped more insistently with his tongue. Pressing wetly at the outside of his hole until it flexed open under his tongue and- in.

The noise Jason made was going to be burned into Dick’s brain.

So was the taste.

It was Bruce, bitter and strong and just as addicting as Dick always knew it would be. But also Jason. Jason who was also arching beautifully under his hands. Jason who was strong, and angry, and wonderful, and precious...

“On-nh! Second th- ah! Dickie, you’ve gotta- h-hah.” Jason’s legs suddenly gave out, but that was ok. He was heavy and big, but Dick still caught him and lowered him onto his back on the floor. Continued to tongue and suck him even though it wasn’t a great angle and his face was getting sore and Jason was yelling and his voice breaking under him.

“I said hold up!” Jason grabbed him by the hair and yanked him back. Dick stared at the way Jason’s body sagged in relief even though he was still hard beyond belief and his chest heaving visibly with each breath. Dick licked his lips. Caught a droplet of Bruce’s come there and licked them again.

“Jesus, you… you want to fuck me.” Jason laughed in disbelief, “Why would you- no, don’t answer that, I know why. Fuck this is so fucked.”

“Jason…” Dick said crawling closer.

“C’mon then,” and Jason sounded so very worn down that Dick frowned, because even if this wasn’t quite right it shouldn’t be like- but then Jason was guiding him back into a kiss. It was warm and gentle and everything that Dick craved. Well… Almost everything: he wanted to be allowed to love Jason, both of them, but he knew that wouldn’t go over well if he told him. It didn’t stop him from clinging to him desperately though.

Jason hooked his legs around Dick and they both gasped when he started to push inside. Dick trembled and held onto him as he fully seated himself in that tight wet heat. It felt heady to know that it was Bruce’s come and his own spit that was easing the way, even though a part of him knew that it wasn’t nearly enough. That he had to be hurting Jason. Dick opened his eyes- he hadn’t even realized he’d closed them- and looked at Jason who’s face was tight and pained. It didn’t even look like it was totally physical pain either.

Dick started to say something but Jason must have seen it in his face because he lunged forward and bit his lip hard. When Dick flinched, Jason just rocked his hips until Dick couldn’t quite help but thrust his hips in return. 

“Harder.” Jason demanded tightly.

“Are you sure?” panted Dick even though he was already complying.

“Want you to hurt me.” Jason said.

“No, nonono I don’t want to hurt you, never-” Dick said planting kiss after kiss onto Jason’s neck, even as each snap of his hips threatened to leave bruises on them both. 

“Yeah you do Golden Boy, or you wouldn’t have- wouldn’t have kissed me in the first- God fucking damn-!” hissed Jason clawing at his back.

“Little Wing, please…” Dick didn’t even know what he was begging for. More of Jason’s heat, his desire, his pleasure, even a scrap of affection that Dick could cling to- no that was unreasonable, Dick couldn’t ask for that. He squeezed his eyes closed and picked up the pace instead. Jason was groaning and gasping out half formed words and curses.

“Ple-pls-plea! T-tt-too-! Ngh! H-hah! Can- ca- n’t!” Jason panted out arching back, his eyes wet and wide and heavily at the door.

“Jason,  _ Jason…”  _ Dick clung to him.

“Bru- Bruce! Please, I-” Jason gasped out reaching away from him, and Dick’s heart felt like something important was ripping, twisting, because Dick had started to foolishly hope- Maybe even just physically-

“Dick,” and that was Bruce’s big hand on his head making him freeze instantly, “That’s too much, you’re overwhelming him.”

Dick could barely see Jason in front of him even as he pulled out. He couldn’t stop shaking because he was naked and hard in front of Bruce- no, not even just that: he was naked and hard and had been fucking Bruce’s lover and surely this was the part where-

“Is this how you planned to drive me away, Jason?” Bruce asked softly kneeling in the suit beside them, “I admit I was expecting something soon given how nervous you’ve been about how close we’ve become. This however, we have never been exclusive, you have taken other lovers before-”

“Fuck you, hah,  _ f-fuck you _ .” Jason spat at him still trying to catch his breath, sounding hurt and belligerent and- “I w-wasn’t-” 

“But Dick is different and you knew that. I don’t plan to give you up, but I won’t let you use drag Dick into this either.” Bruce said darkly.

“Hey, no, Bruce,” Dick objected, because that wasn’t right. Jason may have teased but Dick was the one who actually initiated and carried most of this encounter out. Jason hadn’t even really wanted him all that much as opposed to humoring him, or… maybe punishing himself with him, “Don’t-  _ I’m _ the one who’s the problem here-”

“No Dick, this is not your fault.” Bruce said shortly keeping his eyes on Jason.

“Yeah Dickie, have you forgotten that you can do no wrong?” sneered Jason. Dick winced a bit. He was not unaware of the way he’s been used measuring stick for the other Robin’s to beat themselves with. It was always especially apparent with Jason though. And now, with Bruce here, there wasn’t a chance that Jason was going to back down.

“Jason,” Bruce said warningly.

“Oh, don’t even. You’ve known he has been watching,” hissed Jason, and Dick flinched guiltily, “You’ve  _ let _ him see us. He’s always been your favorite, admit it. You’ve just been using me as a replacement, and easy slutty hole to-”

“You’re letting your insecurities get in the way-” Bruce said a little angrily.

“Liar liar  _ liar. _ ” snarled Jason shoving both of them away. 

Dick stumbled and Bruce was at once there, big hand on his back to steady him. Jason glared a little harder at both of them for that, and then stormed out of the showers grabbing a towel on the way out. 

“Bruce, I’m so sorry.” Dick said trying to take a steadying breath. It felt too shallow, all the constricting feelings making it feel hard to breathe.

He wanted to Bruce to take him into his arms, to kiss him, hold him,  _ love _ him. To tell him it was going to be alright. Because if Bruce said so, Dick knew he’d find a way to make it true. Even after all this painful and humiliating mess, Dick just wanted-  _ because _ he wanted  _ so bad-  _ please, just to be wanted in any way- just to be not sent away-

“Get dressed.” was all Bruce said as he helped him to his feet.

“Bruce, I-”

“We’ll talk about this later.” said Bruce.

So essentially never.

“Would you have ever-?” Dick swallowed, knowing it was totally inappropriate, but  _ needing _ to know, especially now, “Before you were with Jason, if I had ever pushed for more, would you have-?”

“Dick,” said Bruce in a sharp voice that felt like he was saying  _ Robin _ , his back tensed as he stayed turned away from him, “You will not ask me that.”

And then he walked out even as everything in Dick screamed  _ please don’t leave me please don’t leave me I’ll do  _ _ anything _ -

“Right, okay,” said Dick blankly reaching for the knobs on the showers just to have something useful to do, “I’ll just-”

The water turned off and the sudden silence of the bathroom was deafening.

Dick closed his eyes and tried to remember how to breathe.

He was alone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That called you what you like and even might  
> Give a gift for your behavior  
> A fleeting chance to see a trapeze  
> Swinger high as any savior
> 
> But please remember me, my misery  
> And how it lost me all I wanted  
> Those dogs that love the rain and chasing trains  
> The colored birds above there running
> 
> -”The Trapeze Swinger” Iron and Wine

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry Dick. As usual with this series: these are not good relationships in fact they're rather toxic... that's kinda been the theme? If you were actually in a relationship like any of these I'd hope you'd be able to leave them. I'm pretty sure that's implied with these sorts of stories? But just in case.
> 
> Also, I swear sometimes that AO3, like, inserts typo's because when I look at my word doc I don't see half the random things that come up here. Sigh.
> 
> Come bother me on [Tumblr!](https://wellthatjusthappend.tumblr.com/)


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